Lessons from my mother

When I was 5, my family moved to Linda Lanewhere my parents lived for over 40 years. I had so many memories in that house. Me and my neighborhood friends would play basketball until midnight in the driveway for much of the summers (Sorry for the late-night noise Linda Lane neighbors).

When my mom got to be around 80, she Started showing signs of dementia, which had cursed both of her older sisters around that same age. My dad had a challenging time taking care of her in that 4-bedroom house that had a large yard to maintain. So, as Mom progressed they decided to sell that house and move into the Palo Duro Retirement Village in Canyon. I remember going over to the house and helping them pack up their life into boxes.  They had to decide what to keep, what to donate, and what to throw away. Clearing out 40+ years of accumulated “life” is harder than it looks. After many rounds of reducing, they were able to fit their items into an apartment less than half the size of the house.

Mom's dementia continued to progress and we had to move her to a nursing home after another 6 months. She lived at the nursing home for about 2 years before passing away. I remember going over to load up a few items from her room.  I kept thinking how much her world kept shrinking.  In the end, there was just one room with a bed, a chair, and a dresser.  Those were a few of the only items she needed to exist at that point. Pictures of her family and all the grandchildren hung on the wall, but I know that they were unfamiliar faces for the last few months of her life. My dad would go over to see her twice a day from the time she moved in, until the day she died. I saw what true love looked like in my dad’s dedication to her.

Mom passed on October 2nd, 2024, at the age of 82. She was one of the kindest, sweetest, and most caring people I have known. She showed me what service to others, and family sacrifice really means. I still miss her dearly.

We think about needing to eventually plan for things like downsizing, end of life arrangements, and so on….but nothing really prepares us for when it actually happens.  Mom and Dad did the Estate Planning work, and pre-paid for a burial plot.I saw the positive impact that planning had in dealing with her end-of-life care and funeral arrangements. Long Term Care, and life insurance eased the burden on my father in the expenses that inevitably came at him for her care and the funeral.

I write all of this to say that doing the work of planning may just look like a bunch of documents and projections, but when the rubber hits the road it is impactful and real.  I am grateful to get to help people navigate and tackle these planning puzzles. I have delivered insurance checks to widows, and helped couples figure out how to make their income last a lifetime.  But being involved with my family through all of the ups and downs has really demonstrated the importance of this type of planning. 

Below I am providing a free comprehensive checklist for end-of-life and estate planning, designed to ensure your affairs are in order and your wishes are honored: Let me know if you want me to email you a pdf version of the checklist. This information is not intended to be a substitute for individualized legal advice. Please consult your legal advisor regarding your specific situation.

✅ Legal Documents

1. Will – States how you want assets distributed and names guardians for minors.
2. Trust (if applicable) – Helps avoid probate and manage complex assets.
3. Power of Attorney (POA) – Designates someone to make financial/legal decisions if you're incapacitated.
4. Healthcare Proxy or Medical Power of Attorney – Appoints someone to make medical decisions for you.
5. Advance Directive / Living Will – States your medical treatment preferences.
6. HIPAA Release Form – Allows healthcare providers to share information with chosen individuals.

✅ Financial Planning

1. List of Assets – Bank accounts, investments, retirement accounts, real estate, valuables.
2. List of Debts – Mortgages, loans, credit cards, etc.
3. Beneficiary Designations – Ensure they are up-to-date for life insurance, retirement accounts, etc.
4. Life Insurance Policy Details – Copies and beneficiary information.
5. Prepaid Funeral/Burial Plans – Contracts, wishes, or payments already made.
6. Tax Records – Most recent returns and any tax planning notes.

✅ Digital & Personal Information

1. List of Passwords & Online Accounts – Store securely or use a password manager with access instructions.
2. Social Media & Email Account Wishes – Specify if you want them deleted, memorialized, etc.
3. Personal Documents – Birth certificate, marriage license, military records, Social Security card.

✅ Funeral & Legacy Preferences

1. Funeral Preferences – Burial or cremation, service details, obituaries, location.
2. Obituary Draft – Prewritten or notes for loved ones.
3. Legacy Letters / Ethical Will – Messages, values, and life lessons for your family.

✅ Organization & Storage

1. Central Document Location – Store all important documents in a safe, accessible place.
2. Notify Key People – Let family or trusted individuals know where documents are and who is involved (e.g., executor, POA).
3. Periodic Reviews – Reassess and update documents every 2–5 years or after major life events.

This information is not intended to be a substitute for individualized legal advice. Please consult your legal advisor regarding your specific situation.